The Psychology of Taking Things for Granted: Why It Happens

Taking things for granted is a universal experience. Most of us, at some point, have failed to appreciate the significance of what we have until it’s gone. Whether it's the people in our lives, the opportunities presented to us, or even our health, the phenomenon of taking things for granted is deeply rooted in the psychology of human behaviour. Understanding why we do this involves delving into several psychological concepts, including adaptation, attention, and cognitive biases.

The concept of hedonic adaptation

One of the core reasons we tend to take things for granted is due to a psychological process known as hedonic adaptation. This refers to the tendency of humans to return to a baseline level of happiness regardless of positive or negative events that temporarily affect their emotional state (Brickman & Campbell, 1971). When we initially acquire something we value—a new car, a promotion, or even a romantic relationship—it tends to bring us a surge of happiness. However, over time, the excitement diminishes as we grow accustomed to the new situation.

This adaptation is a coping mechanism that allows us to maintain emotional equilibrium. But it also has a downside: when we adapt to positive circumstances, we stop feeling the same level of joy we once did. This leads us to inadvertently take these positive aspects of our lives for granted. The “new normal” quickly replaces the initial euphoria, making us less inclined to appreciate what we have.

The role of selective attention

Another explanation for why we take things for granted lies in the concept of selective attention. Our brains are constantly bombarded with vast amounts of sensory information, and to function effectively, we have evolved to focus on what we deem as immediately relevant. When something is consistent or readily available, our brain filters it out, categorising it as less important to conserve cognitive resources (Kahneman, 1973).

For example, a person might fail to appreciate their daily interactions with a loving partner or the comfort of a stable home environment simply because these elements have become routine. When something is always there, the mind labels it as "safe" or "stable," and thus it requires less attention. This unconscious process can lead to the undervaluation of things or people who are an essential part of our lives.

Cognitive biases and the scarcity heuristic

The scarcity heuristic also plays a critical role in this dynamic. It is a cognitive bias that leads people to place higher value on items or experiences that are perceived to be rare or fleeting. The common phrase “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” encapsulates this concept perfectly. When something is scarce or when we are about to lose it, we suddenly realise its value. This explains why individuals may regret taking a loved one for granted only after they are no longer present.

Our brains are wired to prioritise urgent needs or fleeting opportunities over those that seem abundant and secure. For example, we may overlook the beauty of our daily surroundings until faced with the prospect of moving away. This bias toward scarcity often results in us overvaluing what is new and undervaluing what is constant, causing us to take our stable, reliable circumstances for granted.

The influence of cultural and social norms

Cultural and societal expectations also play a role in shaping how we perceive and appreciate the things around us. Many societies prioritise success, growth, and acquisition, often at the expense of focusing on what we already have. The "more is better" mentality can drive individuals to keep pursuing new achievements without pausing to appreciate their current circumstances.

According to Seligman (2011), the pursuit of constant growth and success can lead individuals to focus excessively on what they lack rather than what they have. This cultural emphasis on acquiring more can result in people taking their current blessings for granted. A person may find themselves too focused on attaining a higher-paying job, for instance, and in the process, fail to recognise the valuable connections they already have at their workplace.

Counteracting the tendency to take things for granted

Recognising why we take things for granted is a step toward mitigating this behaviour. Practising and cultivating gratitude is one effective method of counteracting the negative effects of hedonic adaptation and selective attention. By intentionally focusing on the positive aspects of our lives, we can re-train our brains to appreciate what is often overlooked. Gratitude exercises, such as keeping a journal or actively expressing thanks to those around us, have been shown to increase overall happiness and reduce the tendency to take positive aspects of life for granted (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).

Mindfulness is another tool that can help counteract this tendency. By practising mindfulness, individuals can train themselves to stay present and fully experience the moment, thus increasing awareness of the positive elements in their lives that might otherwise be taken for granted. Mindfulness encourages an appreciation for even the small, everyday experiences that contribute to our well-being.

Conclusion

Taking things for granted is a natural outcome of human psychological processes like hedonic adaptation, selective attention, and cognitive biases such as the scarcity heuristic. While these mechanisms help us cope and navigate a complex world, they can also hinder our ability to appreciate the good things in our lives. By understanding why this happens and taking intentional steps to counteract it—through practices like gratitude and mindfulness—we can cultivate a deeper appreciation for the people, opportunities, and experiences that enrich our lives. For those seeking support in this journey, counselling services in Singapore can be a valuable resource.

References

Brickman, P., & Campbell, D. T. (1971). Hedonic relativism and planning the good society. In M. H. Appley (Ed.), Adaptation-level theory (pp. 287-302). Academic Press.

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377

Kahneman, D. (1973). Attention and effort. Prentice-Hall.

Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.