Dealing With Infidelity: Can A Relationship Survive Cheating?

Infidelity, often perceived as a betrayal of trust, can significantly shake the foundation of any relationship. The emotional aftermath of discovering a partner’s unfaithfulness is typically complex, involving feelings of anger, hurt, and confusion. Yet, despite the seemingly insurmountable odds, some relationships do manage to survive and even thrive after an incident of cheating.

Below, we explore the intricacies of dealing with infidelity and examine whether a relationship can truly survive such a breach of trust.

The emotional impact of infidelity

Managing emotions following infidelity can be extremely challenging. It often leaves the betrayed partner grappling with intense emotions, including shock, disbelief, and sadness. According to research, the psychological impact of infidelity can be akin to that of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) (Gordon, Baucom, & Snyder, 2005). The feelings of betrayal can undermine an individual's self-esteem and sense of security within the relationship, leading to significant distress and emotional turmoil.

Understanding why infidelity occurs

To address infidelity, it is essential to understand why it happens. Various factors can contribute to a partner's decision to cheat, including unmet emotional needs, lack of sexual satisfaction, and personal issues such as low self-esteem or a desire for novelty (Mark, Garcia, & Fisher, 2015). Additionally, societal and cultural influences, such as changing norms around monogamy and increased opportunities for extramarital encounters, can also play a role.

Can a relationship survive infidelity?

The possibility of a relationship surviving infidelity largely depends on several factors: the couple’s commitment to resolving their issues, the reasons behind the infidelity, and the effectiveness of their communication. Studies have shown that couples who engage in open and honest discussions about the affair, express genuine remorse, and show a willingness to rebuild trust are more likely to overcome the betrayal (Atkins, Baucom, & Jacobson, 2001). For those struggling to navigate these challenges, seeking professional help through an adult counselling service in Singapore can provide the necessary support and guidance to heal and rebuild their relationship.

The role of communication

Knowing about your partner’s infidelity can be difficult to process, and is often charged with intense emotions and tension. Dealing with it can be complex and requires sensitivity. Hence, giving each other space is crucial in the initial stages of healing. This time allows both partners to process their intense emotions and reflect on their feelings without the pressure of immediate confrontation. It is important to avoid making hasty decisions during this period, as actions taken in the heat of the moment can be regrettable and counterproductive. Respecting each other's need for solitude can help reduce tension and provide a clearer perspective on the situation. This breathing room sets the foundation for more constructive and empathetic communication when both partners are ready to engage in honest discussions about their relationship and the path forward.

When both partners are ready, it might help for the couple to focus on creating a safe space for honest conversations. It is essential for the betrayed partner to feel secure in expressing hurt and anger, while the unfaithful partner should strive to be open and transparent about their actions and motivations. Research by Gottman and Silver (1999) indicates that couples who invest in developing strong communication skills and actively address their issues are more likely to heal and rebuild their relationship from infidelity.

Rebuilding trust

Trust, once broken, is challenging to rebuild but not impossible. It would be helpful for the unfaithful partner to demonstrate consistent, trustworthy behaviour over time to regain their partner’s trust. This process may involve setting clear boundaries, being accountable, and showing genuine effort to change. Therapy can be beneficial in this regard, providing a structured environment for couples to work through their issues.

Seeking professional help

Couples therapy or counselling can be instrumental in navigating the aftermath of infidelity. A trained therapist can help couples explore the underlying issues that led to the affair, improve communication, and develop strategies to rebuild trust. Research indicates that therapy can significantly enhance relationship satisfaction and stability post-infidelity (Gordon et al., 2005).

Forgiveness and moving forward

Forgiveness is a critical component of healing from infidelity. However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing the behaviour. Instead, it involves letting go of resentment and choosing to move forward. This process can be long and arduous, requiring patience and compassion from both partners. Equally important is evaluating the future of the relationship; this involves ensuring that the decision to continue is mutual and made with careful consideration of both partners’ feelings and future well-being. Research suggests that couples who can forgive each other, honestly assess their future together, and move past the affair tend to experience greater relationship satisfaction in the long term (Fincham, Hall, & Beach, 2006).

Conclusion

Infidelity undoubtedly poses a significant challenge to any relationship. The journey to recovery is fraught with emotional hurdles, requiring both partners to exhibit patience, commitment, and a willingness to change. While some relationships may not survive the breach of trust, others can emerge stronger, having addressed underlying issues and developed deeper emotional connections.

Ultimately, the survival of a relationship post-infidelity depends on the couple's ability to communicate effectively, rebuild trust, and seek professional help, such as adult counselling, when needed.

References

Atkins, D. C., Baucom, D. H., & Jacobson, N. S. (2001). Understanding infidelity: Correlates in a national random sample. Journal of Family Psychology, 15(4), 735-749. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.15.4.735

Fincham, F. D., Hall, J. H., & Beach, S. R. H. (2006). Forgiveness in marriage: Current status and future directions. Family Relations, 55(4), 415-427. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-017-9993-5_17

Gordon, K. C., Baucom, D. H., & Snyder, D. K. (2005). An integrative intervention for promoting recovery from extramarital affairs. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31(4), 419-434. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2004.tb01235.x

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown Publishers.

Mark, K. P., Garcia, J. R., & Fisher, H. E. (2015). Perceived emotional and sexual satisfaction across sexual relationship contexts: Gender and sexual orientation differences and similarities. Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 24(2), 120-130. https://doi.org/10.3138/cjhs.242-A8